Its Christmas Eve here in Japan and im up wrapping the last of the gifts that i just left for last because im a procrastinator! What does this mean for me.?.
Well this means that i am closer to the 6 yr mark of my daughter becoming an angel! Never in a million years did i ever think i would say lose a child before they had the chance to live! On Dec 28, 2004 i said goodbye to the only person in life that meant more to me than life itself! If i could of traded places with her i would of just so she could experience life! But i know that this is what God wanted.. She was too precious for this earth! Even with knowing this my hurt doesnt hurt any less, The tears dont go away any faster and the hole in my heart doesnt mend!
But i must go on for my 2 babies that i have with me.. I treasure every moment good or bad! I take more pictures than i ever have because pictures and memories can last longer than any one person can!
What else does this Holiday mean? Our first year with out my father in law! He passed away earlier this year and it has hit me harder than i thought it would! Maybe its because i have lost way too many important people in my life that i just cant take it anymore.. Or maybe its the fact that i have to be strong for my husband who just doesnt seem to be strong enough emotionally to go through this.. The entire family is just in a blah state of being!
We didnt get the kids a tree this yr for alot of reasons one being we are moving soon and would of been a waste of money [ we did hang up stockings] I honestly dont think a tree defines Christmas.. So its all ok.. I just cant wait till i see the smile on my little terror when he unwraps his gifts and his sisters since she is way too small! This will make me feel better knowing that my babies are happy!
Christmas Eve also means this year is almost over!!! 2010 wasnt really a bad year for me i got reacquainted with some old friends and met some AWESOME new friends!! Some here on blogger and some angels moms who help me get through my sad days!! How was 2010 for you?
I hope everyone has a great Christmas and a Blessed New Year!!
3 comments:
Please know I am thinking of you at Christmas and every day. I know that it is still a struggle even six years later.
I am grateful that I met you this year, and look forward to chatting it up more in 2011!
I am very sorry for your loss..I'm sure she is with you always. I'm thinking of you and glad I met you this year! You're a great mamma. Hold onto those babies and treasure every moment! I hope you have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New year.
I don't think you will ever not struggle with losing your little angel. I will be sending you some good thoughts!
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