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Previous Post has a giveaway goin on feel free to post a comment to enter the giveaway!
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Something i have to forgive myself for but i know that i never will is the loss of my daughter! I know that there is nothing i could of done differently that would of kept her with me.
here is her story
my first child was born when i was 21 and here is her story:
On 4.28.03 at 7:30pm i gave birth to a precious piece of heaven. Her name Iysis Marie! Weighing in at 7.5 lbs and 21 inches long she was perfect. My heart melted the first time i held her close. But since day 1 she was fighting for her life. Unbeknown to me, my precious baby was having heart problems. It took the Dr's 2 days to figure out my angel had Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome and needed open heart surgery if not she would die. This news broke me but i knew my baby was strong enough to get thru it, and so she did! For the next 7 months the hospital was known as home. On 12.20.03 she received a heart transplant which meant she had a second chance at life again. but for the next 11 months the trips to the hospital were more constant and to her the hospital was home. My lil fighter struggled to stay with mommie as if she knew that it just wasnt her time yet. On 12.28.04 my baby girl couldnt fight anymore, her body couldnt take it anymore. She was under medication to keep her unconscious so that the tubes wouldnt be yanked out but underneath it all my baby was there. i called the family to say there last goodbyes because in my heart i knew it wouldnt b long before she became my angel. As the family said their goodbyes and everyone walked out, her uncle refused to leave, he decided to sit in the corner of her room and let me have my time. I decided my angel needed a bath n i was goin to dress her up like the doll dat she is. as i got to her hair i felt a sweeze on my finger n as i look up my angel gave me the last smile i would ever see, and as she smiled the machines started beeping and i watched my baby girls heart rate go to 0 in less than a second. my baby was now my angel. Even though in my mind knew it was the best for her my heart couldnt take the blow. i sank to my knees and cried for hours. Even though the family came back in i felt alone my first born was gone. I Know now that it was best, i didnt want my angel to suffer a life time because her parents were selfish.
No matter what she is always in my heart and i will never let her be just a memory. To me she lives on in my heart and dats how i keep her alive. God sent me a gift and then decided that she was just to precious for this earth.
here are some hops for this weekend
In other news .. its 11:34pm and its been a busy day instead of writting another entry i will update this one ..
I received an award from the awesome ladies at
they are an awesome set of women!! and i LOVE their blogs.. go check them out!
In order to officially accept this award I have to reveal 5 secrets about myself/blog
#1 Even though i put up SOME pics of family.. i dont use names!
I do this because there are weirdos in this world n just dont feel like entertaining them with real names.. other than that i rather type nicknames
#2 I am a super loud mouth
Yes!! i speak up about anything and everything i think is wrong that isnt suppose to be the way is said! even as a military wife!! Only exception is i do my homework first so i dont end up looking like an ass!! i get facts on paper.. so in the end i always win!
#3 My past has has made me who i am!
If you have gotten this far then you will understand why this is super important !! i could of given up a long time ago but know that everything happens for a reason and there is a purpose for me
#4 My husband & I have a tattoo addicton
My husband is well into the double digits n just keeps adding more.. so far every deployment has brought home atleast 3 tatts.. that is each deployment dnd he started gettin them at age 16. Me well i have 3 so far and in need of more LOL.. the pain is serious but i cant help going back
#5 I blog!
I blog and everyone knows it .. family, friends etc!! this is my way of Venting n basically i love it!! if i could get paid to blog i totally would do this as a job!!
Now I'm passing this award to 5 other bloggers who I think are stylish and pretty damn aweome:
14 comments:
I am your newest follower! Thanks so much for participating in our Saturday Stalk Hop!! =]
Following from Saturday Stalk blog hop. Thanks for participating. Please follow me back at http://debbieoescoupons.com
Hello! Following you from Saturday Stalk for Savings! Please follow back!
www.couponmamacita.com
Hi I'm flowwing you from Sat. stalk up for savings. :o) http://couponcodequeen.com
Hi there,
You wrote so beautifully about your little angel and the precious time you spent together; she was a precious blessing from God and your deep understanding and love shines through. This touched my heart and I send you hugs and prayers. I am now following you from the blog Hop.
Best,
Elizabeth
Thanks for making me cry!!!! I love you brown bear...
She is a beautiful angel... love you!
Hello I am a new follower from SS. I would love a follow back at
http://megankayden.blogspot.com/
Thanks girl!! If I don't post this in a bit, REMIND me!! haha! I just don't have the time to write it up right now! Busy with emails, client inquiries etc! & I have a shoot in just a bit! lol but I don't want to forget to accept it!
Thanks bitch!!!!
I always wanted this award!!!! Hopefully you didn't give it to me based on yesterdays post... Because that was a guest poster!
Whatever hoe... taking the award anyway! I'll be back to thoroughly stalk you when my bloggy break is over!!!
Hi...I'm your newest follower from Sweet & Simple Saturday Blog Hop. If you have a chance, I'd love for you to stop by/follow my blog too ♥
http://amomentwithmystee.blogspot.com/
♥Mystee
Happy Saturday Stalk for savings blog Hop =)
Happy Saturday Stalk for Savings!! I am now one of your followers. I look forward to reading more of you posts. Please stop by and check out my blog.
http://shhhhhjustbetweenume.blogspot.co
I read the post about your daughter early today when I first logged on and could not write anything. I sat here and cried and thought how unfair the world is and then I shut my laptop off and went back to bed with my little girl Sammy. Your story reminded me of how precious life is and how we can not take it for granted and I realized I sometimes neglect my little one too much.
I am so sorry for your loss, it's something so unbearable and I can not even begin to imagine what it was like. It just shows how strong you really are and how you must have a great support system.
I hope you are now relaxing and getting ready for the new baby on Monday.... I will be thinking of you and I know you will both be home later in the week safe and healthy.
:)
Good luck amiga.
As for me I am getting my 3 little ones ready to go spend quality time, my Sammy and my 2 grandkids. No more neglecting my babies anymore... :)
Maria
Hi, I am your newest follower. I found you from Sweet & Simple Saturday Blog Hop. Your story about your angel brought tears to my eyes. Being a Mom of 3 myself that one tugs at the heartstrings. Find me at www.infinitelyinterestin.blogspot.com
Your story about your daughter broke my heart...literally. My daughter also had open heart at 4 days old after multiple congenital heart defects were initially missed at birth. She is doing fine at the moment (she is now 6) but every day I feel blessed to have her. Most likely she will need additional surgeries. If you ever need to talk I am here, from one heart mom to another. Just sad that there isn't more testing done to help people with the #1 cause of death among children. Sending you a virtual hug!
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